can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it's like iHOP with fire
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
