i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
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i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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