yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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