you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
