I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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