connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
