Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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