Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
