I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
