The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
