She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
