My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
