I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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