do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
