Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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