i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I love having hate sex.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
