Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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