I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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