your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dicks are not precious.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
