I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
