drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
