I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
