My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
