I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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