new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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