The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Still dying that you shit outside
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
