Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
