woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
