I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
