Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
