Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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