Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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