wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
