oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
