News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
