I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
