I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
