His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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