You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.