I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.