if only i could text you this smell
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.