Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
