So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
