I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
