First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
