he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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