I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
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I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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