Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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