I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
