The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
