I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
