Just fell off a train. Bad.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think I just sharted jello shots
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
