I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
