dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
