I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
