Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
