Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
