So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
