Pants 0. Shit 1.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
