you would pick up someone in the library
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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