dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
