So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
