just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
