how can u be prego again
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
