He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
